There are several warning signs that a marriage may be headed for divorce. Happy and miserable couples both have their fair share of conflict. Defining a healthy and toxic relationship often breaks down to whether a couple can constructively communicate and relate to one another. The majority of divorces started as a breakdown of communication within the marriage.
Poor Communication
Communication is a relationship’s foundation; lack of such can break a marriage. It is important for partners to respectfully express emotions, but just as important to make sure that their spouses feel heard. When a spouse feels as though he or she is being treated disrespectfully or being ignored, dissatisfaction within the relationship may manifest. Signs of a breakdown in communication are:
Defensiveness- Defensive responses can be just as damaging as ineffective verbal communication. It often leaves a spouse feeling invalidated.
Fight, Flight, Freeze- Consistent arguing, avoidance of tough conversations, and shutting down emotionally are toxic habits that cycle without effective communication.
Infidelity- Emotional and physical affairs can permanently damage the relationships due to a lack of trust and are often a symptom of other marital problems.
Lack of Intimacy
A lack of intimacy can make partners feel abandoned emotionally and often leads to inhibited sexual desire. Reduced intimacy can be a symptom of marital issues, such as poor communication or incompatibility.
Growing Incompatibility
Years after the relationship began, partners may find themselves misaligned on topics involving core values, religion, and lifestyle. Couples can start drifting apart in visions for the future and passions once shared. They may have also ignored a deal-breaker at the beginning of the relationship, expecting behaviors to change later.
Abuse
Progressive abuse, or the presence of abuse in any form, is a sign that partners are no longer compatible. This manifests as toxic or unsafe behaviors by one or both partners. Spouses in a dangerous situation should terminate the relationship and seek help. Types of abuse that may be present in a relationship are:
- Emotional/Verbal Abuse- Non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring, excessive texting, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, or stalking.
- Physical Abuse- Intentional, unwanted body contact, or behavior that causes or has the intention of causing injury, disability, or death.
- Sexual Abuse- Behavior that pressures or coerces a spouse into unwanted sexual behavior. In addition, controlling sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity takes place, including oral sex, rape, or controlling reproductive methods and choices are forms of abuse.
- Financial Abuse- Using money or controlling how a partner spends money as a means to control his or her actions, decisions, and ability to work.
- Digital Abuse- Using technologies like texting and social media to bully, harass, stalk, or intimidate.
- Stalking- watching, following, or harassing repeatedly, making a partner feel afraid or unsafe.
Loss of Quality Time
A lack of balance between autonomy and connection can be a sign of a decomposing relationship. Working late, running long errands on the way home, planning nights away regularly, and regular prolonged absences can mean a partner is avoiding home. A lack of quality time can cause a breakdown in intimacy and communication.
Loved Ones Expressing Concern
Close friends and relatives may express legitimate concerns about the relationship. These concerns may be denied or ignored. Often, concern from loved ones is a sign that a partner is overlooking “red flags” in a relationship.
Couples aware of these behaviors may be able to work through the marriage. Other times, the marriage may be damaged beyond repair. The demand for divorce is expected to rise after COVID-19 restrictions are lifted. Due to the pandemic, many legal needs have turned virtual. Virtual divorce allows couples to finalize their divorce without the risk of exposure but is not a good fit for every divorce.
